This article isn’t about the law. It isn’t about the divorce process. It isn’t about dividing your property or child custody. This article is about you and making sure that you are truly prepared when you make the decision to seek a divorce from your spouse.
The Importance of Preparing Yourself
Divorce is hard. Especially when children are involved.
It can take an emotional toll on you. You may see the worst side of your spouse. You may feel the worst side of yourself.
You may hear or see your spouse do things that you never thought possible. You may find out about things your spouse has already done that you never knew about.
Divorce can take a physical toll on you. Lack of sleep. Constant worrying about your kids, your future, your house, and everything else.
If you are not prepared, then your divorce will not go well. Your emotions will get the better of you. Your physical health will betray you. The stress will cause you to make poor decisions.
So how do you prepare yourself for your divorce?
Decide On the Life You Want After Divorce
The first step is to decide on just what you want your life to look like after the divorce. Don’t worry about how you get there right now – just focus on where you want to go.
Where will you live? How will you care for your kids? Where will you work?
Who will be your friends? What will you do for fun?
Picture the furniture where you live. Picture the car that you drive. Picture the toys that your kids play with. Picture every detail possible.
Why do I suggest you start at the end?
Set Your Goals For Your Divorce
Because you won’t know how to get there if you don’t know where you are going.
Now that you know where you want to go you can make an honest evaluation about what type of result you need from your divorce to put you in the best position to get to that vision of your life after divorce.
How does the house fit into your vision? Do you need it in your life after divorce? Can you afford it in your life after divorce?
Do you need to fight over it in your divorce?
What about the children? When you imagined life with your children after divorce – where did they go to school? Who did they live with? How often did you see them?
What do you really need from your marriage as far as assets, custody, and support, to make your vision possible?
Once you have your vision for life after divorce and you know what results you need from your divorce to help you achieve that vision, you now know what you need to focus on and fight for during your divorce. The rest can be ignored or used as leverage to help you achieve your goals.
Make Sure You Are Physically Prepared
You only have one body and one life – protect it. I promise that no matter what happens during your divorce, life will go on.
If you regularly exercise – good for you. Protect that time both before and during your divorce. Do not let anything that happens take you off schedule or make you miss a day of exercise. That is your time.
If you do not regularly exercise – start. Visit your doctor to make sure there is no medical reason that would prohibit you from exercising, then get started.
You want to make sure that your body is physically prepared. Exercise will help clear your mind although you might have to fight through a few of those OMG what the hell am I doing to my body sessions first.
Exercise will give you a place to go to work out your frustrations, reduce your stress, improve your overall health, and take a mental break from life.
Don’t wait until you file for divorce – start now.
Prepare Yourself Psychologically for Divorce
You may be that one unique person in the world who is so mentally strong that nothing bothers you. You may not need anyone to share your feelings with.
But for everyone else – you need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally as well. A divorce can be a long and trying process with plenty of ups and downs and frustrations along the way.
Your lawyer is not a psychiatrist. Don’t call your lawyer and expect to get help with your emotions. That’s not what we do.
If you need professional counseling, then find a professional to work with you. Counselor, psychiatrist, or whatever you need.
Make sure you have a pillar of support that is there just to listen to you even if that person is not a professional counselor.
Just be careful not to discuss the details of your case, especially if you aren’t meeting with a professional.
Find that friend who will listen to your frustrations without a need to know the details or try to fix it.
Find that friend who knows how to cheer you up no matter how bad your day has been.
Find someone you can talk to when there is a bad day during your divorce.
Once you have decided you want to look at a divorce, it is time to prepare yourself.
Spend time thinking about what you want your life to look like after your divorce.
Use that vision to establish the goals and results you want from your divorce.
Prepare your body physically to handle the stress of divorce.
And prepare your mind to handle the emotions of a divorce.
Once you prepare yourself for divorce, you can move on to Getting Organized For Your Divorce.
While you are preparing yourself for your divorce, you can learn more about the general rules governing various aspects of divorce by reading the articles below:
- General Rules for Property Division in a Texas Divorce
- General Rules for Child Custody in a Texas Divorce
- General Rules for Child Support in a Texas Divorce
- General Rules for Spousal Support in a Texas Divorce
- COVID-19 FAQ For Your Family Law Concerns - March 27, 2020
- TX Supreme Court Issues Additional COVID-19 Guidance for Child Custody - March 25, 2020
- Modifying Child Support Obligations - March 20, 2020